1– You wrote a personalized letter for each significant person in your life on Valentine's Day because love is about more than just romance, am I right? The next time you clean your desk you will catch yourself humming and think to yourself in all seriousness, “Is my dream job to be a janitor?” Maybe.
2– You did something nauseatingly cute for your loved one on Valentine's Day. Like, the kind of cute that makes your friends outwardly go, “Aw!” But inwardly, they are throwing up a little. The next time you go to Indy, you will get stuck holding the door open for people for at least ten minutes only to realize there is a revolving door right there.
3– You were probably at the NSLC conference this weekend, huh? You little three? In other news, that person you keep making eye contact with in chapel totally likes you back. You will sneeze one too many times today and get unreasonably mad at yourself for it.
4– You spent Valentine’s Day following a Bob Ross tutorial because dinner and flowers are so cliché. You are really over this whole succulent trend that some people are still on (can you say, bad for the environment?) and are now considering getting a fern. However long you keep it alive will determine the length of your next relationship.
5– The level of bitterness you have towards Hallmark and the whole system (for making up these fake holidays as an excuse to bleed us all dry) directly correlates to how much money you spent on Valentine’s this year. You are pretty skeptical about this column and the Enneagram in general and are probably only reading this because your friends told you to. Right now you are thinking you would be better off reading a good book. You are right.
6– You spent Valentine's Day wondering what it would have been like if you had talked to your VC last semester and now you are kicking yourself for letting the moment pass. You will have a painfully awkward encounter with them in the D.C.
7– The day after Valentine’s Day you woke up and felt depressed because you realized that there are no more major holidays, functions or vacations for a long time. You will spend the next month getting more and more stir-crazy as you try to get people on your floor to go on nug runs on random Tuesday nights, desperately trying to add some spice to your sad, lonely existence. Try adding some twinkle lights to brighten up these dark winter days.
8– You were confused about what to get your significant other for Valentine's Day and a little upset that they would not just share their Amazon wishlist with you. This inevitably led to a fight. To process, you will go home and tell your dog all about your problems because he is the only one allowed to see you cry.
9– You probably meant to do something on Valentine's Day but you ended up staying in which is actually what you wanted to do the whole time. You will use the phrase, “I don’t know. What do you think?” exactly 37 times this month.