In a culture that preaches “prioritize yourself,” friendship is losing its weight.
Gen Z creators and influencers have created an online echo chamber of phrases like “cut them out of your life” and “put yourself first.” Their idea of friendship is built on what value one can extract from another.
“I don't think that's the way the church works, and that's not the way family works,” Michael Severe, program director and professor of Christian ministries, said. “We actually start to commodify or use the people around us, even our friends, to achieve our own ends. And I think that might be the cause of much cultural sin and broken relationships today.”
Friendship in the Bible holds a much deeper meaning.
In Near East hospitality, when a traveler was welcomed into the home, the host offered them protection, sustenance and the same responsibilities as other family members. Friendship was more than just a term of endearment; it was also a responsibility held by both parties to one another.
“It's not simply like, ‘Hey, come over to my house and have ice cream,’ and I get to choose the time, the place and the flavor of ice cream,” Severe said. “But more of like, ‘I offer myself up to you,’ and then that person receiving has also responsibilities to respond in kind.”
Because they require commitment, spiritual friendships are rare, Hank Voss, associate professor of Christian ministries, said. We are called to treasure and cultivate them through intentionality.
This starts with our relationship with Jesus, Voss said.
“Spiritual friendship is rooted in this idea of, we love each other, but we know that we both love Jesus more,” Voss said. “Our friendship is rooted around encouraging one another and our love for Jesus and our desire to become more like Jesus.”
Being rooted in Jesus provides a solid foundation on which to build edifying spiritual friendships.
Along with spiritual friendships, Christians are called to edifying relationships with all their neighbors, Severe said. While believers are not called to trust every person with their heart in spiritual friendship, they are called to heal and uplift through every encounter.
“All relationships either demolish or edify,” Severe said. “So every interaction we have with other people has the opportunity to be a discipling or spiritual interaction, and has the opportunity then to edify the other person and ourselves included, or they can demolish and tear down.”
Not all Christian relationships will look the same. Everyone is in a different place in their walk with God. But, differences in spiritual maturity are actually a blessing.
“I'm a young mom, and so it's really helpful to talk to moms that have older kids who have been through this,” Anna Tabone, director of Taylor’s residence life programs, said. “If we think of a path, they're just a little bit further ahead.”
Often, we view differences in spiritual maturity to be negative. We are tempted to distance ourselves from people that we view as less spiritually mature than us.
Jesus contradicts this misconception in scripture.
“If there was ever a gap in the maturity of a relationship, I think it would be between me and God, but yet Jesus calls us his friends,” Severe said.
As we love Jesus and recognize our responsibility to edify one another, friendship regains its weight and purpose.
